Sobriety.

This was a product of my life as a college kid. I wrote it before marriage and the settling that tends to bring. Back when I lived in the dorms of a secular school, surrounded by sweet people who wanted to live life fully and not miss a moment, just as I did. We attempted to achieve that goal in different ways, but I longed for them to know my heart regardless of the differences of our choices and convictions.

It's not that I'm "religious".

Oh, I hope I am not religious!

The dreadful things that go along with that word!

Routine.

Judgement.

Mindless comfort.

Works mentality.

Guilt.

No.

I don't want any of that.

I want to know God's heart.

I want to learn to love like Him.

Relationship is a beautiful word when one remembers what it means.

He is the King who would wash my feet?

Really? I mean, He is God...

And I?

I am a blunderer.

I blunder into everything!

Into danger.

Into safety.

Into trouble.

Into friendships.

Into class.

Into diversion.

Into life.

So there's that.

It's not that I'm religious.

I love Him.

He loves me.

And He has been forever showing me how beautiful life is.

When it's easy and when it's hard.

In the sun and in the rain.

The joyous moments of friendship and laughter...

And the times no one wants to mention

because they hurt so deeply.

And the closer He takes me into His heart, the more I crave to know.

And that is why I would rather sit quietly in the living room,

and doodle in my journal

than drink with you guys.

It's not that I think I'm better than you.

No no no no no.

It's that I adore being sober.

Because I don't know what's going to happen,

but I sure don't want to miss it.

And when I live it, I want to know that I will remember it in the morning.

God never told me to make a decision about whether you are living like you should be or not.

That's not my assignment.

Why do Christians take that on?

I don't want that responsibility.

Its a beautiful thing that it has nothing to do with me.

It frees me up

to attempt my actual assignment.

And that is to love.

Deep and genuine and for real.

I don't claim to have it right.

Or that I find it easy to get a heart for every imperfectly beautiful human that crosses my path.

But I am learning.

And I can tell you right now that it wasn't hard to be endeared to you.

You and your accents.

You and your curiosity.

You with your nose scrinched up making faces at Aquene

as she sleeps snuggled in her bandana,

tail curled around her for warmth.

And you appreciate it.

That's what I see when I see you.

So don't mind me.

I'm content.

I'm sober.